


GoT Brienne's Reaction

by VioletVision



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Complicated Relationships, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, I Ship It, Romance, Shipping, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-05 04:01:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12182508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletVision/pseuds/VioletVision
Summary: After season 7, Jaime rides out and finds Brienne in a tavern at night. Brienne/Jaime complicated hotness.





	1. Night

**Author's Note:**

> I may go a little off cannon here for ship purposes. Their exchanges moved me, and the plot dragons would not let me be. Spoilers: Season 7. There will be hints of Skyrim at times in this fic.

Brienne downed the last of her ale as Candlehearth Tavern quieted around her. The food was just cleared away, and Podrick had already gone up to his room. Locals had left for the night and travelers went up to their rooms to sleep or pass out from too much drink. The flames from the hearth reflected off the large wooden columns in golden tones, and the smell of ale and fresh bread filled the air. She was alone now in the great room.

Brienne peered into the fire and thought over the last week. She had made a truce with the Hound and was now off on an errand for the King of the North while he collected forces. They would all converge in a few days, so they could meet the Army of the Dead in The Great War. She knew who she would see in a few days, and she missed talking to him.

Brienne stood to her feet and headed to the stairs. She typically waited for the place to clear before she went to her room because idiot men seeing a blond woman headed to her room gave them the idea to try to follow her. 

“Moron,” she murmured to herself remembering the last one that nearly got a dagger in his gullet for the impotence. She shook her head as she reached for the rail.

“True,” a male voice whispered next to her in the dark, “I did what you requested.”

Brienne turned hand on her hilt. 

The man stepped forward into the light.

Her heart sped up as she recognized him, “What are you doing here?”

“I hardly know,” Jaime shrugged his shoulders as a feeling of relief overtook him at seeing her. When she didn’t speak, he continued, “I was ridding and stopped to put on my glove,” he held up his golden hand, “snow started to fall. I…I came looking for you.”

Brienne stepped towards him and lowered her voice, “What’s wrong?”

“You know what’s wrong,” Jaime looked up into her eyes and did nothing to hide the turmoil inside. With her, he knew he could be himself. No need for games. 

A feeling of foreboding overcame Brienne. She didn’t like the look of lost worry on his face and speculated, “You’re not eating again are you?”

“What? No, I guess I’m not. Does that really matter?” 

She stepped away from him, “Come over to the fire. Here sit. I’ll get you something to eat.” His expression reminded her of when he stopped eating after he lost his hand saving her from being raped by a group of Bolton’s men. She went into the back room where the larder was, collected more ale, made a plate of food and returned to him.

When he didn’t eat or talk, Brienne took a bit of cheese and motioned him to the plate. He blew out air but followed her lead.

Brienne took a sip of ale. “What’s happening?” 

He didn’t answer. 

“Why are you here alone? Where are your men?” 

Jaime squinted at her as if in pain, “Can we talk about that in the morning?” He knew as soon as he mentions his sister’s betrayal that she will bolt out of there honor bound to warn the Starks. 

“You said I knew what was wrong, but I don’t. Tell me.”

Jaime set down the food and took a deep breath taking his time as the air left his lungs. “Fuck loyalty. That’s what you said. That’s what I’ve done.” 

Brienne watched him closely as he peered into the fire. She waited in silence for a few minutes knowing she needed to give him time to collect his thoughts before he spoke. She thought over their first few interactions and how they verbally spared. Her mind went over various interactions since then and how they have come to depend on each other. She pondered if the rumors she recently heard were true that Cersie has become increasingly harsh towards him. 

Jaime stared down at his one good hand, “I was like you once you know? Honorable. Dedicated to my king. You know the story about what happened,” he stopped and turned to look at her more fully, “The Mad King taught me those things mean nothing when faced with the death of everyone I hold dear. It broke me. She…she who shall not be named was the only constant in my life. My only purpose was her safety and her children’s safety. My honor, my feelings, my guilt mattered not. It was only her. I killed for her. I hurt those innocent for her. It was all about what helped her. What she wanted. What would make her happy.” He smiled but there was no mirth in it, “Nothing makes her happy.”

Brienne continued to watch him even as he looked away again. She felt his words pull at her heart. For years, she had tried to make her lord and ladies happy and did their bidding. She rarely received anything in return but more orders. She was alone in life with no one she could tell her true feelings to…until she met Jaime. She felt defensive of him and wondered how she could save him from his turmoil as he had saved her so many times. Her hand reached up and touched the base of her neck where the faint scars still lingered where the bear he saved her from had almost took her head off. She hated his bitch of a sister and for the thousandth time in the last couple weeks wished for her death.

Jaime started speaking again while his eyes threatened to show signs of tears, “Do you remember me saying you don’t get to choose who you love? I was thinking of her when I said that. Surely you have heard the rumors. They’re all true you know? We have the most fucked up twisted relationship I have ever heard of. And, after our children died, she started letting servants see me in her bed. She has no shame, no remorse, no guilt and no kindness for me anymore. I’m broken all over again. There’s no fixing me this time.”

Jaime lowered his head as tears fell onto his lap. He couldn’t look at Brienne. He didn’t want to see the shock on her face. The weight of his confession threatened to pull him under as the truth of his words pierced his heart. All the shame of all his past deeds struck him as if a man beat him with his fists. 

Jaime gasped at the feel of a strong hand gripping his jaw lifting his head up. He opened his eyes to peer into pools of unwavering blue. His heart started to beat again as he took in yet another breath. He didn’t know what to expect – a slap in the face or harsh words. His words came out in almost a whimper, “Are you going to tell me I sound like a bloody woman again?”

Brienne’s voice whispered softly from inches away, “All my life I’ve wanted men I couldn’t have. They were always out of reach. At least, you were able to be with her even though it went so badly. No, we can’t help who we love. If all you did was for love, then there was honor in that.” 

Jaime stopped focusing on his own pain and saw in her eyes that life had been equally cruel to her. He remembered she had loved a man she was sworn to protect then he died on her watch. He thought about how he would have felt if Cersie had been murdered when they were young and he was tasked with defending her. He also remembered the way he felt when his daughter died of poison in his arms when he was trying to protect her. Yes, he thought, we have both suffered in the hands of the cruel bitch that is fate.

Jaime became aware she was kneeled next to his chair and her hand still held onto his jaw but she was using less pressure than before, “What are we to do?”

Brienne realized she was still touching him, so she removed her hand and stood, “We’ll figure that out tomorrow. It’s late.”

Jaime wiped the tears off his face and nodded. He found it strange that talking with her about his true thoughts engulfed him in emotions then left him feeling empty like he was free of them for a while. 

Brienne nodded at him and left for the stairs again. She heard him walking and looked over her shoulder to see him following her to the stairs, “And where are you going?”

“To bed,” Jaime gestured to the stairs with a half smile, “I’m sure you won’t mind if we share.”

“I most certainly do.”

Jaime lifted his hand, “Fine. Shall I call for the inn keep and explain to him I’m a Lannister, so he’ll throw the person out that has the largest room so I can have it.” Jaime had no intention of doing that, but knew in the past he would have. 

Brienne saw he was joking, “Why don’t you just go to your men? They’ve no doubt set up your comfy tent for you near their encampment.”

Jaime’s wicked grin dimmed, “No encampment. No men. No comfy tent.”

Brienne stepped into his personal space, “She’s going back on her word. Isn’t she?”

Jaime nodded. “But, I gave my word I was riding north, and I am.”

“Against her wishes?”

“She called it treason. Almost had the Mountain kill me for walking away from her. But I did. I walked away.”

Brienne took a moment to let the words sink in. She purposefully avoided commenting on their relationship, “We have to warn the Starks.”

“I had a raven sent when I came looking for you,” Jaime stared into Brienne’s eyes knowing she still felt the impulse to leave immediately but he also watched her face seeing that she trusted that he did as he said. It sparked feelings he had for her before, and they grew back to life. She truly trusted him as if he were a man of his word. It made him feel as if he wanted to be that man again. A man whose word was his bond. 

“Why did you come looking for me?” She wanted the answer and didn’t at the same time.

“There are several,” he saw she was going to wait for the answer if it took all night, “complicated reasons. One of which is that she will try to have you killed. I’m not going to let that happen.”

“You’re here to protect me?” Brienne questioned trying not to feel insulted. 

“Like I said, it’s complicated. From what I saw the other day of the dead man who tried to kill us, it’s also probably the end of the world. If it’s my time to die, I’ll bloody well do it fighting beside the one I…” Jaime stopped himself knowing he went too far. He looked away unable to stand the intensity of her direct gaze. He hadn’t realized his heart was beating faster and that he was speaking louder. He had almost confessed something that the last time he did had enslaved him to another’s will. 

Jaime looked back up at her, but was unable to speak the words as he thought them. I love you.

Brienne saw on his face what he had held back, and she had felt the same but was unable to speak it. 

As far as she was concerned, it didn’t need to be spoken. Actions were what mattered not pretty words that could not hope to convey the depth of what they had become to each other. She knew how he felt for her the moment he pushed her behind him as the bear charged them. 

Jaime watched her thoughts on her face knowing she was not trying to manipulate him or play some game with him. He knew they cared for each other, had saved each other, and it wasn’t based on something as tawdry as sexual attraction. In a world filled with deception and masks, they truly saw one another. He knew from experience that no amount of sexual pleasure could possibly provide the intimacy they had with each other. He understood she knew his flaws and instead of twisting them to her purpose she saw the man within that wanted to be honorable the way he had been before his father and sister ripped it out of him, and she sought to bring that honorable man to the surface.

Jaime swayed on his feet from the exhaustion he felt and the hope he was scared to allow himself to feel. 

Brienne gripped his arm, “You’re tired. Come on to bed.”

It took Jaime a moment to understand she meant her bed. He followed her up the stairs.


	2. The Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime and Brienne are in her room together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let there be banter and nudity!

Brienne unlocked her door, entered the room and started unbuckling her armor. 

Jaime stood in the doorway amused while allowing the seriousness of their earlier words fall away. It had been a while since he was able to spend time with her. It felt odd that she had invited him up to her room, and he had not expected she really would. He’d missed her, and he smiled unable to help himself, “Are you trying to get me naked again?”

Brienne quickly turned to him with her jaw hanging open unable to speak as unbidden images of him in the bath flooded her memory. “What do you mean again? I didn’t want you in my bath, and I don’t want you in my bed but here we are.”

“Yes, it’s such a hardship to be around me unclothed. Women are telling me that all the time.” Jaime shook his head and continued to speak in a playful tone, “Last time you saw me naked I had been locked up a year and had practically wasted away and I was covered in filth if memory serves. You’ll be happy to know that I’ve been practicing and am no longer the weakling you saw the first time.” Jaime then stepped in, closed and locked the door. 

Brienne accused while shaking her head trying to go back to her earlier point, “But, I didn’t get you naked. You pranced in that way.”

Jaime smiled oh how he had missed these talks with her, “I don’t remember any prancing, but I remember almost fainting from the fever from the infection in my arm where it was chopped off.” Jaime set down his bag, “You caught me. Thank you for that.”

Brienne nodded and started to go back to taking off her armor.

Jaime couldn’t resist, “But, truly it is a lot harder these days, so I need your help getting this off. Then I can help you with getting yours off.”

Brienne glanced at his brown armor unsure if he were meaning it or something else. She decided he would not make sexual overtures to her even if they were about to sleep in the same room together, so she stepped forward helping him with the clasps. She tried to not think of him as a man with rows of muscles flexing under her hands as she slid pieces of his armor off tossing them in the corner. She untied a few strings then lifted his shirt up helping him slide out. The material was warm in her hands, and she took great pains not to touch his skin. When the task was done, she stepped back.

Jaime untied his cloth pants and let them drop to the floor.

“What are you doing?” 

“I don’t sleep with clothes on when I’m indoors.” Jaime glanced over her body, “You’re turn.”

“I’m perfectly fine with taking my own armor off,” she paused knowing that was not exactly true. “Although, Podrick usually helps with some of the ties.”

Jaime stepped forward completely nude, “With ties? That’s it? Nothing else?” His wicked grin threatened to bring a flush of pink to her face. Jaime was unsure why he wanted to know if anything was going on between her and her squire which was the rumor. 

Brienne knew what he was asking, “Not that it’s any of your business but no.” 

“I’m only asking because when I’m about to get into bed with a woman I need to know if I’m in another man’s…territory.” 

“I’m no one’s territory.” Brienne stood straighter.

“Good then shall we?”

Brienne put her hands on her hips, “What exactly are you suggesting?”

“I help you get out of your armor then we go to sleep,” Jaime tipped his head to one side, “Unless you are suggesting something else that is.”

“Are you playing with me?” Brienne asked him seriously. She felt as though he were about to cross an invisible line that had been stretched between them. 

Jaime turned his palm up and looked down at his good hand then back to her, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

Brienne was having none of it, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Ser Jaime, Everything between men and women doesn’t have to be a game. It doesn’t have to mean sex.” 

Jaime’s grin disappeared, “I apologize.” He ran his hand over his hair, “You’re right. I’m sorry Lady Brienne. You see, I’ve been playing games so long that’s the only way I know how to be. I usually know exactly what I’m doing…what’s expected of me.” 

Jaime looked to the side then back to her, “When you left my tent at Riverrun, I practically followed you out. I couldn’t understand why you turned to leave so soon. How it was so easy for you to leave when I felt compelled to make you stay. When I’m around you… I just don’t understand myself. I’m drawn to you – want to speak with you. When you leave, it pains me.”

Brienne paused a few moments before she spoke, “I feel the same. But, I don’t give into those feelings. It’s pointless. We live in different worlds. I can’t even believe we’re having this conversation. I honestly never thought I would see you again after I left Riverrun. In truth, I hoped I wouldn’t because if we did it would most likely have been on a battle field. Both of us on opposite sides. ” 

“But we did see each other again and now we’re here,” he gestured to the room, “against all odds. We’re all on the same side now.” Jaime looked down, “No, that’s not exactly true is it.”

Brienne ignored his nudity and saw on his face that he was back to thinking about Cersie that evil cunt of a bitch sister. “It’s alright. Here help me with this will you. I’m not waking Podrick up over a few ties.”

Jaime stopped staring at the floor and moved forward helping her with her armor, which he had once gifted to her along with her sword his father had given to him. He knew is father thought he would pass it down to one of his children one day, but instead he gave the priceless sword to a friend.

Jaime realized his thought, “We are friends you and I aren’t we?”

Brienne was thankful for his dethatched proficiency at helping with her armor, “Yes, we are. But seriously you have to put your pants back on before you get into the bed with me.” 

Jaime finished the last clasp and stood back raising his eye brows, “I was jesting earlier. I truly thought I was going to sleep on the floor. But I have to admit I prefer the comfort of a bed. I’m not as young as I once was.” He cradled his golden hand against his stomach a moment then removed it and set it down with his armor.

“You asked me to share I’ll share. No funny business.” Brienne kept her cloth shirt and pants on and got into the bed. She had thought about fighting side by side with him during battles or against him for that matter, but had not thought of any scenario that would have them side by side in bed together. It was preposterous…the infamous Jaime Lanister, heir to Casterly Rock, Kingslayer, Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, brother to the Queen of the Andals and the First Men who sits upon the Iron Throne, and world renown dashing swordsman extraordinaire…practically naked and about to get into her bed. 

Her face actually flushed this time, “And put out that damned candle or we’ll burn the place down if it gets knocked over.”

Jaime started smiling again and put his cloth pants on which were rather thin anyway. He put out the candle and moved to the bed, “Ok, so how do we do this with the bed against the wall on one side?”

“Do what exactly?” Her mind was playing tricks on her as she listened to his voice in the near darkness of the room as he stood backlit from some light leaking in around her door.

Jaime climbed into bed facing the door which was the same direction as her. “The bed is much too small. I can’t lay here without accidentally touching you and you touching me. It’s just that you are taller and on that side so you should just put your arm over me. Kind of a snuggle. Don’t you think?” He picked her arm up and wrapped it over his uncovered waist. 

“There will be no snuggling,” Brienne tried to pull her arm back but he would not let go.

“Please don’t do that unless you mean to. I’m just a man after all,” his voice took on a deeper growl.

“What?” Brienne stopped pulling on her arm as she realized that in doing so it was rubbing her breasts against his back. She tried to relax her arm and felt him lean back slightly against her as he loosened his grip on her.

Jaime grinned knowing she could not see it, “Just pretend we’re tied up together on that damned Bolton horse again.” 

“I’d rather not.” She finally felt herself relax. It felt good to be laying in a warm bed with someone she cared for. She became aware of the heat of his skin under her arm and where her fingers skimmed against his stomach. Her heart that had been hammering in her chest started to slow and even out with her breaths. Being close to him reminded her of the time they had spent together. She noticed he was right; he had put on more muscle since their encounter in the bath. She breathed in the familiar scent of him, and she felt more at peace.

“That’s better,” Jaime clasped his hand in hers and pulled it up to his chest, “sleep now we’ll worry about the impropriety of this and fate of the world in the morning.”

Jaime laid there for a time listening to her breaths even out more as she fell into sleep knowing it was yet another sign of trust. It was refreshing to know that a woman he cared for trusted him and expected him to do the right thing as she herself was doing. He wondered how his life would have been different if he had not given into the machinations of his malicious sister. What if I had found someone like Brienne long ago? 

Jaime gently pulled Brienne’s hand up a fraction and bent his head down laying a tender kiss on her fingers as he whispered, “You’re a much stronger person than I.” Jaime straightened himself and closed his eyes allowing himself to rest and for the first time in a very long time he felt content as he drifted off into a restful sleep. 

Brienne had awoken when her hand moved, and she heard what he spoke. When she determined that he had in fact fallen asleep, she glanced to the door then back at him. She smirked seeing that he had once again put himself between her and what could be danger if his sister had truly sent someone to kill her, and they broke into the room. 

Brienne’s smirk widened to a smile as she breathed out, “Moron indeed.” She leaned forward smelling his hair and hoped he grew it out again. She told herself to rest and that she was being foolish thinking about his hair when dead men walked and dragons flew in the sky and that it was truly the end of the world. 

In the night, Brienne woke to hear Jaime faintly saying no and his muscles flexed as if he were fighting off some dark dream. She held her hand flat against his chest and lightly kissed his shoulder whispering to him that things would be ok. In a few moments, his restlessness stopped, and it appeared that she had chased away the bad dream. 

Brienne thought about the horrors he had been through so if she could give him comfort using her body then it was a small price to pay. Brienne allowed herself to snuggle in close to him no longer caring that they were practically nude but for thin under garments. She drifted into slumber again well aware that his ability to sleep this close to her was a sign of his trust and that she could not help but feel protective of him.


	3. Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be angst, but keep reading and it will be alright.

Ch 3: Morning

Brienne walked to the end of the hall feeling something was wrong. As she turned the corner toward her room, she saw Super Cunt Cersie holding a dagger behind her back as she reached up with the other one to embrace Jaime. 

Brienne lunged forward, “Nooo!”

Jaime startled and looked up at her charging towards him.

Brienne watched in horror as Cersie stabbed the blade in his side. Brienne reached for her wrist to hold the blade in place, but Cersie twisted the blade and pulled it out before Brienne could make it to her. Brienne knew now the wound would not close.

Jaime’s blood flowed out of his side splashing on the dirty wooden floor. 

Brienne grabbed for the blade. Cersie tried to out maneuver her, but could not withstand Brienne’s strength. They slid in his blood and started to fall to the floor. 

Brienne felt that Cersie was trying to pull her down on top of her so that the blade would stab up into her as well. In the few seconds it took them to fall, Brienne turned the blade towards Cersie. As Brienne landed on the smaller weaker woman with her full weight, the blade slid in to the hilt cutting though expensive material and ending Cersie’s life.

Brienne scrambled to her feet and went to her love, “Not again! No!” Brienne held her hand over his as he tried to stop his life from flowing out of his body as he lay on the floor. 

Jaime tried to tell her he loved her, but he was gasping for air as blood filled his lung. 

“I’m here. I’ve got you.” Brienne’s voice boomed out, “Podrick!” 

“By the gods,” Podrick said as he stared in shock. 

“Get a healer now!” Brienne roared at him. 

Podrick stumbled backwards and ran back down the stairs. 

Brienne turned her attention back to Jaime. She locked eyes with him as he struggled for air that would not come. She had seen this wound before and knew there wasn’t the slightest hope. “No, this isn’t happening. You can’t die.”

 

Brienne felt something shaking her arm, “Brienne?”

She pulled back banging against a wall and opening her eyes. 

“You’re dreaming. Nothing bad is happening. I’m here. Wake up,” Jaime said as he turned more to face her on the bed where they spent the night. 

Brienne gripped his arm looking him over still not fully clear headed from the nightmare. She leaned over him possessively glancing from his lips to his side where the blood had been flowing only moments before in her dream.

“You alright?” Jaime questioned.

Brienne’s mind cleared. She became aware of the room around her, and the man in her bed. “Just a dream.”

Jaime relaxed onto his back and stretched out with a yawn as he continued watching her.

Brienne couldn’t help but think how completely adorable he looked all cozy sleepy in her bed with scruffy stubble on his jaw. And he was alive – breathing. Relief washed over her, and the anxiety from her dream started to seep out of her body. She lay back down and let her arm rest over his chest since there was nowhere else for it to go in the little bed. 

Jaime grinned while slightly squinting. His hand reached up and lightly traced along her forearm. “This is what I remembered.”

Brienne felt the soft slide of his fingers on her arm and watched as they moved, “What?” Brienne was still shaken up from the dream.

“When I was being a cock in the bath and you stood up in anger.” He audibly breathed in, held his breath for a moment then slowly let it out as his hand moved over her wrist and hand. He whispered out not knowing how welcome his words would be, “Soft creamy skin.” 

Brienne started to pull her arm back, but she felt his hand press down more on hers. She knew he was not going to hold her in place, but was letting her know he desired her to stay where she was. Brienne fought the urge to pull back from him. She watched his hand on hers unable to look him in the eye. 

Whenever things became too intense between them, Brienne would shut down her feelings and get away from him. Here. Now. She didn’t want to. She was well aware that in the next couple of weeks her dream would become a reality. He would die. She would die. They will all die at the hands of Cunt Cersie or the Night King unless the Starks and their allies found a way to survive. But, she knew it was not likely. She had been actively deceiving herself.

Brienne lifted her eyes to Jaime’s and didn’t hold back her emotions as desperation turned into acceptance. They will fight alongside each other. They will die alongside each other. 

Jaime’s grin faded and his eyes sobered as he thought he saw on her face the very fears in his heart. But he was not sure and worried it may be something else. “What was your dream about?”

“Doesn’t matter. Nothing we’ve done our whole lives matters. Without all the armies banning together, he will pick us off one group at a time adding to his own power.” 

“Well, we’re not going to let him.” Jaime gripped her hand tighter as he spoke, “We’ll find a way. And, I have dreaded battle since my hand was cut off. Not because I no longer have my good hand, but because it would mean fighting against you. And there is no one I would rather have at my back in battle but you. So I’m here. With you.

“I’m tired of us always saying good bye and one of us leaving. If we die, we die together. If it comes to that, we’ll march in shambles side by side in the Night King’s army for all time.” Jaime glanced to the light scars at the base of her neck. He reached forward tracing them with his fingers, “So you see, what we’ve done in our lives matters. It has brought us to this point.”

Brienne was lost for words, and she let all that he said sink in. She knew he was right that she was wrong to despair. As long as you are alive, there is still hope. And she was damned if she was going to let his murderous bitch of a sister or the dead king win. 

Jaime saw the sadness and certainty of death leave her eyes. He was thankful for that. Too many times he had seen friends go into battle that way and not return. It was as if thinking it made it happen. 

Jaime remembered the rising panic he felt when he knew she was fighting in an arena with a wooden sword against a bear. He thought about how that feeling will come again if she is wounded on the battle field with the Night King, and he knew he would need to control those feelings better. He could still vividly see the blood dripping down her neck where the skin was sliced open.

Jaime shook his head, “When I saw that you were in the arena with the bear, I started yelling that I would pay any ransom they wanted. I just about lost my mind.” 

Brienne smiled, “I just about lost my head.” 

Jaime let out a bark of laughter pulling her closer allowing himself to be comforted by her warmth. Brienne grinned and leaned more fully against Jaime as her hand rested on the muscled contour of his chest. The mirth on his lips was intoxicating, and she leaned forward more seeing that he was raising his jaw for a kiss.


	4. Exploration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotness!

Wood splintered across the small room as a man kicked in the door. He looked around as if he expected to find dragons. 

Jaime quickly rose and faced the door fearing that some of his sister’s assassins had finally come to kill Brienne. At the same time, Brienne moved off the bed grabbing a dagger. 

Brienne glared angrily at the man who was standing just inside the doorway. She shouted, “Podrick what is wrong with you?”

Jaime’s heart was pounding in his chest as he struggled not to pummel her squire while his mind caught up with what his eyes were seeing. “Fuck!”

Podrick stammered, “I…I heard a man’s voice. I thought. I thought. Something was wrong.” 

Jaime raised his hand gesturing to Podrick, “Yes there bloody well is something wrong you cock-blocking bastard.”

Podrick’s eyes went to the hard length straining to get out of Jaime’s thin pants as if it were a mace about to rip the seams open. His eyes darted to Brienne thinking about what Bronn said to him a while back about them. 

Jaime’s utter frustration at being interrupted when she was finally being receptive to him showed on his face. “I saved your life by getting you out of King’s Landing. And this is how you repay me?”

“I’m thankful, and I’m sorry,” Podrick took a step back, “I…she…”

Brienne interrupted him, “Just go get something to eat down stairs.” 

Podrick took another step backwards and pulled the door shut only for it to not stay in place because the latch was broken. 

Jaime barely contained his anger as he watched Podrick fumbling while trying to secure the door, “Leave it!”

Podrick leaned to the side and talked to them through the three inch gap in the door, “Very well your grace um Ser ummm…” He quickly turned then darted down the stairs as if the Lord of Light were following him. 

“Damn it all.” Jaime stepped forward and pushed the door shut holding it in place.

Brienne stabbed her dagger into the doorframe effectively securing the door. 

They stepped back then looked at each other’s angry glairs. 

Brienne questioned in a solemn voice, “Cock-blocking bastard?”

They stared at each other unmoving for a moment then they busted out in laughter. 

After a time, Jaime chuckled, “Did you see his face?”

Brienne grinned, “Poor Pod.”

Despite what just happened and the seven hells he went through with his sister, he knew in this room with her that he was happy. Brienne being near always made a part of his heart glimmer with hope of what could be…of who he could be. It was an addictive thing being around her. He smiled back at her and decided that if it truly was the end of all things then he would indulge himself with this one last inappropriate relationship. 

The finality of his decision took away all uncertainty about the choices he had made to favor her over what Cersie would want. Brienne wanted him to agree to things at Riverrun concerning the Blackfish, and he did. Brienne told him to talk to the queen about changing her mind about fighting in the Great War, and he did. Brienne told him to fuck loyalty, and he did. A fragile peace settled over him as he pushed away painful things from the past and worries about the future, and he slowly let himself exist in this moment…with Brienne. 

Jaime raked his eyes over her feeling that same pull he always does – wanting to be near her, wanting to see what she will say, wanting to run his hands over her skin. Desperate for more. Always more. 

Brienne stopped laughing and noticed the expression on his face. It was one she never expected to see from him. She glanced over his body noticing what Podrick had; he was serious about the cock-blocking statement. She hadn’t expected a man so far above her in rank and power to actually act on what she suspected he had been feeling especially when he had Cersie who ruled the land. She thought he would go off to war thinking he would return to Cersie telling her it was all for her, to protect her interests, and as in the past all would be forgiven. What if that wasn’t the truth of the matter? She took in a breath for the first time feeling that he may truly be interested in her the way a man is with a woman. 

Brienne did not pull away when he stepped closer and touched her arm again. She had been with men before sure, but for them it was more likely than not the novelty of her height and bearing that attracted them. This was something different. He was someone different. She wanted to be close to him, to touch him without reservation, to share his confidence in trust. And part of that was being with him in every way she could. The only thing more mesmerizing than his eyes filled with hunger for her was the thought of experiencing the one man she felt a true bond with. Her mind chided her, This isn’t really happening is it? Is it? Anticipation sparked along her skin where he touched. 

Jaime invaded her personal space letting his body brush against hers. He didn’t want to go too far too fast and have her protest or shove him to the floor for that matter. A thrill of excitement and fear mixed together as he wondered if he was risking his life being to forward with a woman as strong and honorable as Brienne. One side of his mouth minutely smirked as he knew she would not send assassins with poison, but kill a man with her bare hands if he did something without consent. She wouldn’t play sick games that Cersie maneuvered him into playing. It thrilled him as he molded their bodies together and put his arm around her waist sliding his hand up under her shirt feeling the warmth of her skin. 

Jaime paused feeling out of sorts for a moment because the logistics of his usual seduction would not work with her because of her height. For the first time in his life with a woman, he felt unsure. He pondered if he should wait for her to lean down to kiss him, should he start kissing her neck…he berated himself that a man known for strategy had planned this poorly. He couldn’t retreat, and he couldn’t advance.

Jaime opened his mouth, but did not know what to say. 

Brienne had had enough. She shoved him back against the closed door and slid her hand from his chest up to his neck gripping tightly while pressing her hips against him to hold him in place. She felt his hardened length pinned between them and a look of triumph spread across her face. 

When he growled out approval of her actions, Brienne inched her hand from his neck to grip his jaw and raised his face to her. “I’m not some young delicate blushing maid,” she lowered her mouth to within inches of his, “You don’t have to hold back. I give consent.”

The raw hunger in his eyes grew darker as he strained against her strength to close the distance between their mouths. It had been more than a decade since a woman truly resisted his charms, and she made him work for it. 

Jaime’s struggle ignited a smoldering fire that burned over her body. Her nipples hardened under the thin fabric as they brushed against his bare chest, her body screamed that she wanted to take what she wanted from him, and her heart pounded in her chest as if she were in the middle of battle. For too long she had been strong and controlled herself. For too long she had denied what her heart and body demanded…him; all of him not just the stolen moments she had managed before. And she felt a thrill rush over her as she felt and watched him struggle to close the distance as she held still feeling his panted breath on her face. 

When Jaime’s feverish lips finally met hers, Brienne knew now why they called the Lannisters lions. His ferocity unloosed the tight control she had placed back upon herself, and she welcomed his more aggressive side and met him with her own. They grappled with each other as they dispatched with the flimsy clothes that were still covering their heated bodies. Gone was the world and anything outside of their room as thoughts disappeared replaced by something more savage than hunger. 

Jaime fought for purchase to cover her body with his, but he felt himself pinned down under her. He blinked as his mind cleared enough to notice they were on the bed. Her body sliding over his, her teeth biting at his neck, and her hand closing over his hardness in possession. It was all he could do to breathe as his vision blurred and even his knowledge of the room they were in ceased to exist. Jaime’s whole existence narrowed to her…where her skin was touching his, the demanding look in her eyes, and the fact that she was now grinding her wet core over his shaft to pleasure herself without taking him into her yet. 

Jaime heard himself begging, “Please. I need more. I need you.” 

Jaime’s pleasurable torment continued as his pleas went unanswered. His hand closed over her breast as he leaned up taking her nipple into his mouth. His tongue flicked over the hardened bud bringing a moan from her lips which mingled with her breathing. He panted working his hips desperate for more.

Brienne finally took him – sliding down to the hilt taking everything he had to offer. Their eyes locked as she started riding him. She read in his eyes that it was more than just his body she was taking. She lowered her body hating what little distance there was between them, and her hand slid up his chest and rested over his thundering heart. As she grinded over him, his hand slid from her thigh to rest upon her hand. Their lips met again with the same fervor, but this time they kept their eyes on each other. After a few moments, Brienne stilled her movements and they broke the kiss, but continued to hold just as close. 

Reflected in each other’s eyes, they saw the pleasure of their bodies and the joy of their hearts mixing into one as the very air they breathed filled each other’s lungs. To know and to be known so completely, it was something neither had experienced before, and they knew that all other lovers paled in comparison to this…to them…together. 

Jaime once again closed the distance between their mouths with a kiss that started tentatively and turned more heated. Brienne responded by moving her hips while she savored every sliding inch of him. They moved together; each taking and being taken. Sweat kissed skin sliding against each other in a desperate race for the final crescendo. 

Jaime growled out, “I’m close.”

“Not yet,” Brienne moaned back. 

Jaime fought his body trying not to respond to the clenching and sliding sensations as she worked over him, “You’re killing me.”

“I will kill you if you go now,” Brienne quickened her pace.

Jaime grit his teeth struggling to obey her wishes determined not to fail her. He reached down moving his thumb between her folds to the rhythm of her movements drawing circles on her swollen bud while his mouth sucked on her breast. 

With a growl of triumph, Brienne felt her body clench and spasm around his hardness and against his wicked thumb. Her heart raced as she lowered herself moving to the side climbing off of him. 

Exasperated, Jaime questioned, “Brienne?”

She lay back on the bed watching his distress, “You’re a man. Finish yourself off.”

His jaw dropped.

“Moron,” Brienne smiled evilly while pulling him onto her, “My knee hurts that’s all.” She watched the relief on his face as he understood she hadn’t meant what she said before. 

Jaime slid inside her finding the angle he liked as he relished the sounds of pleasure from her lips. He quickly found his pace as her hands ran over his back then clutched at his ass spurring him on. 

Brienne felt a desperate need building quickly in her body which almost shocked her with the intensity. “Harder,” she grit out as she worked her body against his. 

Jaime couldn’t withstand the onslaught to his senses, and he barely had enough time to pull out before he came in hard spasms. Gasping for air, Jaime reached for his discarded shirt from the day before to wipe himself off, but Brienne’s hand gripped his arm. 

Jaime turned his gaze to her, “Give me a couple second.” He saw the intensity of her expression and knew his life was at risk if he took longer than that. He quickly grabbed the shirt, wiped at his mess and chucked it to the floor turning back to her. 

Brienne watched him while trying not to yell profanity at him and kick him to the floor. 

Jaime moved partially over her and slid his fingers inside her. At the sight of her moving under his hand as her wetness covered his fingers, he knew if he hadn’t just come that he would be well on his way again. He angled two fingers inside up in the direction of her bellybutton finding the right place then began stroking the area while his thumb moved in time between her folds. 

Brienne didn’t understand what he was doing and started to speak, “What…”

But Jaime cut her off, “Trust me. Just let me. Let me.” He leaned down drawing her breast into his mouth then sucking and flicking his tongue to match his other movements. He was rewarded by feeling her move her hips against his hand as her breath hitched. He picked up the pace when he heard her breathing increase; he felt her clutch more firmly onto him and a pink flush spread over her skin. 

Brienne felt herself being pushed closer to something more urgent than she had felt before. It was as if she were running up hill with all of her muscles burning waiting for that moment when she reached the top. Brienne panted out, “Jaime.”

He released her nipple that he had caught with his teeth, “Go. Just let yourself go.” 

She allowed herself give in to the feelings of trust and the sensations he was wringing out of her body. She screamed out as a deep pulsing wave of heat spread out from where his hand was stroking her to every inch of her body. One became two and two became three as she gripped onto him as if trying not to be drown at sea in a storm. 

Jaime growled at feeling the pulsing under his thumb and the clenching on his fingers. He pressed every advantage he had and used every trick he knew of to keep it going for her. She was his. His strong warrior who deserved her triumph after such a long battle trying to resist him. 

When he felt her body starting to relax, Jaime decreased his movements and eventually stopped then lay next to her. 

When Brienne became aware of the room again, she glanced over at Jaime and spoke, “That…at the end was different.”

Jaime raised his eyebrows wondering if he had lost his touch, “Different as in good?” Jaime was staring at her intently at this point.

Brienne let out a bark of laughter pulling him closer to her. “Yes, different good.” 

“As in you’d want to do it again?” Jaime started skimming his fingers over her skin knowing that he could not help himself. The freedom she was giving him at exploring her body was a heady thing.

“Well, yes but not this exact second.” Brienne smiled, “At any rate, you better not make me laugh any louder or Podrick may come back and kick in the door again.” 

Jaime didn’t tell her that her laughter was the quietest of her recent exclamations and that they had probably been listening to her yell out her orgasms down in the tavern. He paused thinking that the same could probably be said for him.

Brienne watched the expressions on his face and where his eyes darted, and she knew what he was thinking. “Yes, you are as loud as I am. They’re no doubt selling tickets.”

“Or collecting bets,” Jaime pursed his lips and tipped his head to the side pretending to ponder it.

They both started laughing. 

A pounding at the door stopped their laughter. 

Jaime smirked keeping his voice low, “Do you think they’ve come to kick us out due to the noise?”

“Or to check if there’s a dead body in the room with all your growling and pounding.”

“Pounding?” Jaime whispered and stood on shaky legs grabbing for his pants, “You were the one yelling the word harder while digging your nails into my ass. I fully expected to be bled to death if I didn’t comply.”

Brienne grinned while pulling on her shirt and pants. 

They both stepped to the door to answer it. 

Jaime put his hand on the door still whispering, “I’m the man. I should open the door since you are in such a state of undress.”

Brienne mouthed the words, “Fuck off.”

Jaime raised his hand and stepped back. He knew she would have the knife in her hand once she dislodged it from the door frame so he moved behind her and picked up his sword that was leaning against his armor. He knew a sword was not the weapon of choice for a small room, but he would not be defenseless in case there was trouble. 

Jaime imagined it was Podrick with their breakfast. But, he didn’t really care. He was happy with her and with her he would stay.


	5. Accusation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love when Jaime says you don’t get to choose who you love, that he’s sick of fighting, and that he trusts her. We saw it with our own eyes while they were naked in the bath that thing that is Braime. It goes beyond books and shows and time. It isn’t about canon. Fuck canon! In their hearts and with every longing gaze, they made a promise…that will never be broken. 
> 
> If you play Skyrim, you will recognize the tavern and some other things that have slipped into my fic.

Brienne unwedded her knife from the doorframe pulling it out. She gripped the side of the door and braced it with her foot as she peered out of the room.

“How goes it Bri?” A deep rumble of a voice asked.

“I wasn’t expecting you until closer to dinner time,” Brienne stated.

“When I knew you were the one who set the meeting, I rode hard to get here,” he glanced at the way she was securing the door, “I had hoped you would return the favor…for old times’ sake.”

Jaime had heard enough and stepped to the side so he could see the man talking and let him see she was not alone. The man was taller than Brienne, wide shouldered, shaved head and dark facial hair. He didn’t recognize him.

“I’ll be damned. You’ve got a Lannister cunt with you. A maimed one at that.” The man stopped talking and narrowed his dark brown eyes on Jaime as recognition showed with a flair of angry eyes.

The man stepped forward as if to push his way into the room. 

Brienne brought up the blade to his throat and a line of red appeared as she broke the skin.

He finally stopped advancing, “You’re protecting him? The Kingslayer?” 

Brienne tried to reason with him, “Stenvar, back off. He is not to be harmed.”

The man turned his face to hers as if uncaring about the blade sliding over his skin, “Are you ransoming him? That it?”

“No. He is going with us to fight the dead.”

“Bullshit! He’s not going to risk his life. Selfish cunt that he is,” Stenvar growled. 

Jaime spoke, “She shits you not. I saw one of the White Walkers. If we don’t all stand together, we’ll die.” Jaime tried and failed to identify his accent. He found it unnerving that he didn’t know the language and had no clue of his origin. What bothered him more was that the brute of a man had a history with his Brienne. He pictured the man’s large hands on her soft skin, his body pressed against her, his mouth on her lips. Anger burned through him, and he had to hold himself back because every part of him wanted to kill this man. 

Stenvar refused to acknowledge that Jaime spoke, “Enough of this. Stand aside Bri.”

Jaime smiled evilly at him while he pictured his death.

“You know I will not.” Brienne pressed on the blade and a drop of his blood dripped over the knife. “Didn’t you hear I was captured by the Boltons men?”

“I heard you took this cunt to his bloody sister. Should have brought him to us, but I found out why you did it. The Stark girls.”

“Yes, but what you apparently haven’t heard is that during our journey we were captured. They tied us up. They didn’t find me of any value so the men drug me off to have me as entertainment before they killed me.”

That got his attention. He took his hand off of the door and leaned back from her as his eyes scrutinized her face. Concern flashed on his eyes chasing away the anger. 

Brienne lowered the blade and her voice. “He lied to them. Told them my father would ransom me with Tarth sapphires. He drew the attention to himself and was quite the dick. The ploy saved me, but it cost him his hand.”

Jaime pressed his teeth together to keep himself quiet knowing the story his sister industriously circulated had nothing to do with his chivalry towards Brienne. He saw on the man’s face that he believed what she was saying. 

“Then after Jaime was released, they threw me in an arena with a large bear. I only had a wooded sword. A fucking bloody wooden sword.” Brienne let go of the door, took a deep breath and pulled the collar of her shirt down. “It near took my head off. As it closed in, Jaime jumped in dragging me behind him. He got me out and away from them. He risked his life for me.”

Stenvar glanced between them and shifted his weight. He started speaking in a language that Jaime had never heard before. He appeared to be accusing Jaime of something, but all rage had gone out of the man.

Brienne turned to look at Jaime. He saw on her grim face that some past sin had just been revealed to her. He fought not to ask what was being said and watched as she lifted her head and stood straighter as she turned back to Stenvar.

Jaime listened trying to make out words, but failed. 

Brienne crossed her arms. 

Stenvar shook his head, “Fine. Bloody stubborn woman. He’ll not be harmed. I have about a hundred men between here and where you are going to meet up with the King of the North. They’ll watch out for any trouble as you journey there. Go to the brook near Hollyfrost after mid day, and I’ll get word to you if we decide we’ll fight.”

Brienne tipped her head to the side.

Stenvar blew out air. “Even if the others will not order their men to fight, you will have me and mine and the women you trained. I’m not looking forward to seeing these living dead men. I’d rather fight bandits or the king’s men. At least they know when to stay dead.” 

Brienne rested a hand on his arm, “Thank you.” She hadn’t meant to touch him, so she lowered her hand.

Stenvar nodded, turned and left. 

Brienne shut the door and secured it. She stood there a few moments in silence as she thought about what he had told her. 

Jaime saw on her face she was not happy with what she heard. A couple dozen possibilities concerning what the man said spun around in his mind. At this point, Jaime didn’t even care who the man was.

“Did he tell you I pushed Bran out of the window?” Jaime squinted, “But you already knew that. That was why you said you would return Sansa to her mother in part for me. It was a way of my atoning.” 

He saw on Brienne’s face that he was right this sin was not the one conveyed to her, so he tried again. “Surely you’ve already heard that during battle I charged Daenerys Targaryen trying to kill her to end the war.”

Brienne turned to him, “I did. I thought you were dead for almost two days. No, war is war. You are expected to attack the enemy.”

Jaime lowered his head seeing the accusation in her eyes. “I tried to kill Ned Stark. I would have too if that fucker had not wounded him while we fought.” He saw so sign that he hit the mark. “Alright. What trespass did I commit that you just heard for the first time which has caused you to look at me so…like you don’t know me? Who did I attack?” 

Brienne stood taller, “Your sister.”


	6. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to address the elephant in my mind’s room so that they can move on. And by move on, I mean they fool around maybe next chapter. Hahahahahahaa!  
> Ok, this is going to get a little dark and there will be talk of rape before it gets better and please remember this is not a cannon fic. You are warned.

Jaime breathed in and kept trying to force more air into his lungs. He couldn’t remember her every calling Cersie his sister before. She always avoided talking about her directly and especially not as his family member. “My sister?” 

Brienne felt as if something cold was being pressed against her heart and tendrils of ice were trying to claw inside. “Before, you said…all the rumors were true. Did you truly mean all of them?”

Jaime was at a loss. He finally breathed out and found himself almost gasping for air as his heart sped up. He blinked at her several times as he fought off nausea before he spoke. “What did he say?”

“What don’t you want to say?” Brienne watched shame etch all over his face. 

Jaime’s mouth went dry when he tried to swallow. He glanced at the bed they had made love in then turned to his belongings. “I will not speak it here.”

Brienne stood unmoving as she watched him struggle with putting on his golden hand and riding gear. She saw that he finally had to stop because he could not reach and attach all the straps. Her heart broke as she saw him standing there unable to even outfit himself while blatantly showing his feelings on his face. 

“Alright.” She moved forward unable to stand the lost expression on his face. She helped him finish getting dressed. 

They worked in silence as she put on her attire, and he helped secure hers into place. 

Brienne walked down the stairs and ignored the looks they received. She strode over to Podrick where he had food set out on a table for them. It had gotten cold, but she didn’t care.

Podrick opened his mouth to speak, but Brienne practically killed him with a glair. He wanted to know what was said when Brienne’s previous paramour went up to the room. He looked them over seeing that no one was bleeding or missing any new limbs, so he assumed it went better than expected. 

When they finished eating, Brienne finally spoke to Podrick, “We’ll be back.”

Brienne went for the door trying to ignore that every person in the tavern was turning to watch them walk out together. They saddled up and headed out of town. 

Brienne turned her horse off the main road and went down a few trails knowing that Jaime was following her. She didn’t know what to think or what to say. 

They moved out of the trees into a little clearing and headed towards a small cluster of trees by a brook. Brienne and Jaime tied their horses to a tree and sat on a flattened area in the shade of the trees. 

Jaime had spent the whole way trying to think of what to say and failed. He thought he would settle for opening his mouth and seeing what came out. “What did the brute say?”

Brienne glanced around the area then intently watched his face. “He said a servant that spies for him was there at the funeral for your son. You and she were alone with the body. He said…that she told you to stop and you didn’t.” 

Jaime lowered his head and went to cover his face with his hands, but his golden hand bumped into his other hand so he lowered them. He watched the water run over rocks for a time. 

“It’s true what they say. Your sins return to haunt you.” Jaime took a few breaths before he continued. “I didn’t rape her. I wouldn’t do that to her or any woman. There are evils that are true of me, but that is not one of them.”

He glanced over at Brienne fearing the expression on her face, “She was asking for it while yelling no and stop. Yes, I know how rapist it sounds, but there was more to it. I have never spoken of this to anyone. It’s the darkest secret in my heart. My worst shame.” 

Brienne watched his face turn red. She wanted him to give her an explanation that would make sense, but she didn’t know what that could possibly be. She remained silent knowing that as his emotions built that he would eventually have to speak to let it out.

“This isn’t my secret to tell, but I find that I must speak it. When she was fifteen, she would sneak out during the day dressed as a servant. She would return and regale me with tales of what she found and who she had spied upon. It was a great sport for her to be around people who were talking negatively about her or our house then she would find ways to get them back.” 

“One time she didn’t return.” Jaime took a deep breath and folded his arms around himself. “I went in search for her. I found her in an ally, clothes torn and bleeding. A group of men had caught her listening to them, and they demanded to know who sent her. No one had of course. She told them as much and that she was a Lannister and demanded to be released. They didn’t believe her.” 

“One after another they raped her. She said…she screamed for me to save her, and I didn’t. When she told me what happened, she was angry with me. She kept saying I should have been following her to keep her safe. I told her that I had warned her numerous times that something could go wrong but she wouldn’t stop. I was being tortured with reading lessons when it happened. I told her I didn’t want the lessons and would have happily followed her around. She wouldn’t listen and still blamed me saying I took too long before I started searching for her and that I shouldn’t have left her alone to start with. She said she survived knowing that everything they had taken from her was going to be taken from them and more. She said everyone who wasn’t us was the enemy. She had her revenge on them, but it wasn’t enough to stop the nightmares.” 

Jaime stopped talking and went back to watching the water. 

Brienne had never heard of Cersie being attached, and she watched him seeing the horror of it on his face as if it just happened even though it had been over twenty years ago. 

Jaime continued speaking as his eyes focused in the distance, “I was passing her chamber once shortly after. Her screams. They were like nothing I had ever heard before. It was as if her pain were a tangible thing and the anguish…the hopeless despair lived in every shriek of her voice. I tore into the room expecting her to be fighting for her life against direwolves. I found her asleep caught in a horrid dream and struggling against the blankets. I tried to wake her and at first I couldn’t. She fought me as she woke up. I tried to calm her telling her it was a dream, that she was safe and that I was there.”

Brienne watched him knowing that those were similar things he had told her this morning when she had been dreaming of his death. 

Jaime turned to her, “I held her, and she calmed. Over time, she couldn’t sleep unless I was there to chase the dreams away. She told me she kept the servants away because she didn’t want them reporting to father that she was having night terrors, and she didn’t want him asking questions. Eventually, the dreams stopped but she asked me to keep coming to her room at night. I told her I couldn’t that it would look wrong. She made me feel that if I didn’t that I was abandoning her to the terrors of her dreams, and she would remind me that I had not been there when she needed me most. Surely, you see where this is going?”

Brienne nodded but didn’t know how this added up to what Stenvar’s servant saw.

Jaime saw that thought on her face and nodded. “I admired her inner strength and tenacity to manipulate and to get what she wanted. Her mental acuity rivaled my own abilities as a swordsman, so she decided we were a good match. She started wearing fewer clothes to bed and sometimes her hands would end up where they shouldn’t. I told her no and to stop and that it wasn’t right. Then she would say something about how when father marries her off to some monster that he will not be kind to her in that way and that I may be the only one that will touch her as she needs because of what happened. She asked me to just use my hands on her. I lied to myself that it wasn’t as bad as it could be and eventually I obliged her. Over time, she wanted more. Eventually, I was given a knighthood. She persuaded me into joining the Kingsguard so that I could not be sent away from her. That didn’t exactly work out, but I was hers and she was mine.”

When Jaime stopped talking for an extended period of time, Brienne spoke. “I understand, but what I don’t is how that turned into what was witnessed.” 

Jaime huffed out air not wanting to talk to her about his. His head was starting to hurt, but he forced himself to talk because he could not stand to see the look on her face which was the one he saw in the bath. 

“Yes, it confused me too. She started getting aggressive in bed. That worked for a time, but eventually it wasn’t enough. She would periodically ask me to…be more forceful while she resisted. I started understanding when she needed me to be that way and when she didn’t. If she didn’t want me when I wanted her, she usually said not now. 

“Once I misunderstood and grabbed at her.” Jaime smiled while wincing. “She used the flat of her palm and hit me in the ear while yelling the most uncouth profanity. Needless to say I stopped. I was reluctant the next time she actually wanted me to. She put my hand on her throat and repeated my words back to me…what I said to her when I first protested her touching me that way. I said 'No. Stop. It’s not right.’ It became a code you see. Anytime we start and she sees me wavering she will say those things and kiss like she wants me one moment then the next try to pull away then grab and pull me to her. Sometimes she encourages me to act that way when I don’t want to. Other times I’m angry at her and when she encourages me then I almost want to hurt her. She likes it more when she sees I truly want to hurt her but only kind of do.”

Jaime shook his head, “It’s all very twisted. And it’s all because I failed to protect her when she was young. I knew it wasn’t safe for her to be out like that. I thought her name and her obvious Lannister looks would keep her safe. It’s all my fault.”

Brienne watched as he curled in on himself. She put her arms around him pulling him close even when he tried to pull back. Eventually, he relaxed into her embrace. She was lost for words for a time then found herself stroking his shoulder and hair telling him that it was alright. 

Jaime looked up at her to see if her face held contempt for him. When he didn’t see that, he took a deep breath and thought about current events. “After you returned me to King’s Landing, she blamed me for how long it took me to get back to her. See…I had left her alone again. While I was gone, she had been sleeping with our cousins. She does like to keep it in the family. Moments after that odd little man put this golden hand on me for the first time, they talked about how he had helped her with symptoms. She said the symptoms went away and wouldn’t tell me what it was about. I found out later she had been pregnant with someone’s baby. She always kills the ones that aren’t mine. She feels that only children between us are her real children and they have all died. There is one on the way, but I don’t know if it is mine or if since I’ve left her she may decide it is another symptom to be dealt with. If we don’t win the Great War, it won’t matter anyway.” 

Jaime locked eyes with Brienne. She knew that usually he makes jokes and engages in self deprecating banter. But at times like this with her, he lets that go and she could see the raw pain on his face and the torture in his emerald eyes. 

“I didn’t see it at first, but she’s replaced me. Me. As if we meant nothing to each other. As if we have not survived the seven hells together.” Jaime looked down at his ruined arm, “I guess I should have expected it. I’m useless to her now, and I’m not as ruthless as I once was but he is.” 

Jaime saw on her face that she did not know of whom he spoke. “That Grayjoy cunt and his fucking Iron Fleet. May they burn in dragon flames and sink to the bottom of the sea.” His mouth twisted as evil glee showed on his face, “Something he hasn’t figured out is that she’ll never fuck him. And she’ll never give him the wedding he thinks will give him power. It’s all a game. A game of thrones. That’s what she calls it. The deadliest game there is, and I allowed her and father to have our children wrapped up in it. It’s what killed them. I loved them, and I didn’t protect them either.” 

Brienne saw in his eyes that he was losing his grip on sanity. She had never seen him like this before, and she knew it was so much worse than when he was in the bath with her. 

“Jaime. Look at me. I said look at me. You are from a famous family and that alone put your children at risk. But, children die every day from the high born to the lowest. Do you know one house that has not mourned the death of children in that family? I can’t name one. Death and misery is a part of life. That is why we must hold on to the happy memories and move forward with honor doing the best we can for those we can. You’re not responsible for her rape or your children’s deaths. Do you hear me? You are not responsible. If you could have saved them, you would have just like you saved me.” 

Jaime reached forward allowing her to wrap her arms more securely around him. Speaking the pain from his heart and hearing the honesty in her voice as she spoke the words he had needed to hear someone tell him for too long finally released the shame and terror he had been holding inside. Tears streamed down his face as his body shook from all the emotions pounding through him. 

Eventually he calmed, and he allowed himself to hope that she was right.

Jaime stood testing his legs and spoke hearing that his voice was hoarser then before, “You never did tell me about the nightmare I woke you from. Was it of that horrible night when the men dragged you off?”

Brienne took a moment knowing that he was talking about the men that were going to rape her but he intervened putting himself at risk to save her. Brienne no longer believed that he had attached his sister. “No. I wasn’t dreaming of them. I was dreaming of you.”

Jaime smiled and the mirth almost reached his eyes. “Yes, I’m the thing of nightmares. Was I forcing you to wear a pink dress and put on face paint?”

Brienne stood with him and decided not to give too much detail. “I dreamed she stabbed you. I stabbed her. She died then you died.”

Jaime nodded his head. “That’s not something we need to worry about. She does not prefer to do the dirty work herself. She likes to set up the deaths of those she hates like she is planning a party then she savors that they die slow painful deaths. Not like you. If you kill someone, you are straight forward about it. I love that about you. No subterfuge. No deceptions. No long drawn out speeches to teach someone their peril to torture them. Just death. It’s refreshing.” His eyes finally took on amusement. 

Brienne drew in a slow breath seeing that he was returning to himself again, and she tried not to think about his use of the word love. “Refreshing? Of whose death do you speak?”

“I seem to remember being your prisoner while you sliced up the men that came upon us after we got out of the boat. Two quick deaths then one slow. I never told you that you truly shocked me at first. Men’s bodies dropping left and right. You were glorious in your anger.” His eyes moved over her in appreciation of her abilities as a warrior, but the look turned more heated as he remembered the night before. “I never told you the story about the sword and armor I gave you did I?” 

Brienne’s eyebrows drew together. “No, you were too busy pawning off Podrick on me. Do tell.”

“My father had the sword made for me, but he also had the armor made for me.”

Brienne gaped at him. “You said you hoped you got my measurements right.”

Jaime stared down and shook his head. “Yes, I guessed that your measurements in shoulder width and build were not that far off from mine.”

“You let me think you had it made for me so that I would take it didn’t you…”

“It worked.”

“Moron.”

Jaime smiled brightly as wind played with his hair.

Brienne could not help but smile back.

“My father made both for me and wanted me to do things worthy of having them written down in the book you were reading. He didn’t understand that once he sacked the city and I killed the king that as the Kingslayer nothing else I did for the rest of my life would ever be looked at as worthy. I thought to some extend I could show those around me that I wasn’t that man, but no one cared. Anything I did was in the shadow of that name then I lost my hand. It made me re-evaluate my life. When I gave you my sword and armor, that’s when my loyalty started to truly shift from her to you. I think she felt that and had been suspecting it for some time. Well, you saw her face when she realized you had my armor and sword on. She showed more anger at that then when the damned dragon flew in.” 

Brienne blinked a few times just looking at him. “I hadn’t noticed.” She thought about it knowing that the whole time he walked in and sat down that she was fighting to resist the urge to go to him to talk with him. “Where did she think the priceless sword had been all that time?”

“Yes, I may have told her a story about my sword being stolen, but she knew that was all bullshit the moment she truly looked you over. It was a confirmation I lied to her. A betrayal. Doesn’t matter. She had been lying to me. Plotting behind my back. I’m surprised she didn’t kill me after you grabbed my arm. Hell even the guards didn’t flinch when you grabbed and cursed at me. It was like everyone knew something was going on between us. That the familiarity was something normal. She thought we were fucking. It never entered her mind that it was something so much more that was going on. I don’t think she believes in love anymore.” 

Brienne remained quiet. That was the second time he had mentioned love, and it was not lost on her. Brienne wondered if she had wanted her to see the sword on her hip. 

Jaime continued while stepping closer, “I have to say. I enjoyed you wearing my armor. I had tried it on once. Then when I thought of you wearing it, I would think to myself that your heart is where mine was. And in a way even with us apart, they were together with only time separating them. And time brought you back to me. Here. Now.” 

Jaime reached and placed his hand over her heart knowing that neither dragons nor the Night King himself could drag him from his true love. 

Brienne read his thoughts on his face and knew her eyes mirrored his back. “I lo…”

A man’s voice cut her off, “Well isn’t this steamy. He’s coping a feel right here out in the open.” 

Brienne and Jaime turned to see who was standing a little ways off from the trees watching them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, well who the hell is that and why is he messing with my shipping? *pauses rant to ponder that I’m the author and supposed to know that answer* Well…whoever he is he sucks!! Hahahhaaaa!


End file.
